Adult Appeal Avengers Assemble
by McGeesJabberwock
Summary: One-shot. Super Grover comes face to face with some new superheroes and ends up competing with them. Who will defeat the evil raccoon god Rigki first? Does the Twilight Spider appreciate her audience? Are you even going to care?


Here we go: another follow up to my stories _The Sesame Street Super Special_ and _The Justice Playmates_. Also there's some weirdness and randomness in this story, so be aware.

* * *

Grover Kent stared at the flickering lightbulb above him. It reminded him of the yellow sun that gave him his powers in a way. Powers were like lightbulbs; mostly useful, but could crap out very quickly. The lightbulbs here were especially crap; appropriate, considering this event was for the unemployed.

The doorknob company had been letting their employees go in this economy, so not only was Grover Kent attending the job fair, Zoey Zane and Telly Olsen were too.

'Hey, look!' said Telly, pointing askance. 'Do you think I'd work well in IT?'

'Oh dear,' said Grover, 'Do you not remember the last time you used a computer? And became the Macintosh Monster?'

'Oh yeah.'

Grover sighed as he looked at Zoey Zane, the latter having returned from a restaurant stall. 'So this is life, eh?' said Grover, fiddling with his hat.

'Shut up,' growled Zoey, 'It's your fault we haven't been able to find work.'

'What?'

'You do such a shit job hiding your secret identity that everyone here knows you're Super Grover, the worst superhero ever! And since Telly and I are "renowned" as your "friends"...'

'But Super Grover is beloved by many...'

'Then why did that guy with the neck brace throw a paint bucket at your head while we were coming here?'

'Perhaps he was getting rid of his rubbish...'

Just then, a fire hydrant flew right into Grover's face, knocking him over. The herald for a grey anthropomorphic dog to burst in, its torn labcoat flapping about dramatically. With a roar, the dog knocked over stalls, tossed people to the ground, and ate all the refreshments.

After rubbing his face, Grover cried, 'This looks like a job for Super Grover!' and ran into the little boy's room. In minutes, he came out with his famous- or infamous – knight's helment and cape ensemble.

'Never fear, citizens,' Grover bellowed, 'Super Grover is here.'

'Piss off,' said a man, 'The danger's over.'

Turning around, Grover saw the dog tied up in the corner. Beside it was a certain pony in a red and blue jumpsuit.

'The Twilight Spider?' Super Grover cringed, remembering when he first met the Twilight Spider, and her nemesis Discordant Venom...or was it Venomous Discord? What an ordeal that was.

'Oh. It's you.'

'B-but...Super Grover was about to save the day.'

'The Diamond Dog is _my _enemy, you know.'

'But Super Grover does good wherever he can!'

'Look,' said Twilight Spider, approaching Grover, 'No offense, but you haven't a very good track record, and...'

'Twilight Spider!' A balding, portly man in a fedora rose from one of the collapsed tables and leapt towards Twilight. 'Can you sign this fanart I did of you?'

Twilight's horn glowed as the fanart levitated towards her. She took one look at it and flinched. 'Um sure.' Using her horn, she signed it, and gave it back.

'D'oh,' said Super Grover, 'People never make fanart of me.'

All of a sudden, through the hole the Diamond Dog made, a gigantic tube snaked out, nearing the Twilight Spider.

'No! I will save you!' Super Grover flew right in front of the tube, only to be sucked right in.

The Twilight Spider soon followed.

After a long and disorientating journey through the tube, Grover landed in a metal room, beside a group of boxes, and Twilight landed on top of him. 'Sorry.'

'Do not apologise,' said Super Grover, making his way up off of the floor, 'I will protect you...'

Footsteps echoed throughout the room, and Grover hid behind a box.

Upon hearing a door open, Grover peeked out and saw a large chameleon in an eyepatch enter. The chameleon didn't seem to notice Grover's presence, but addressed the Twilight Spider by her name.

'Yes?' asked Twilight.

'Ah. I never met a pony I didn't like. Anyway, allow me to introduce myself. I am Rango Fury, head of the AAA.'

'The AAA?'

'The Adult Appeal Avengers.' Rango stroked his scaly chin. '"Kiddy show superheroes" are becoming a thing of the past. We need look no further than Super Grover for proof of that.'

Grover twitched, but at the same time felt a pang of relief that Twilight didn't reveal his presence.

'We aim to please children, true, but we offer value to adults as well. Flashacus, the Purple Dinosaur, adults find them cloying, condescending. But you, you have captivated grown-ups everywhere.'

'Don't remind me.'

'No, it's good. It's great!' said Rango, kneeling down to face Twilight. 'Loved the _Big Lebowski_ reference in the last issue by the way.'

'Thanks.'

'Come. I'll introduce you to the rest of the team.'

Walking on tippy-toes, Grover followed Rango and Twilight, making sure to be as discreet as possible. The three walked through a corridor and then came to a gymnasium, brought to life by the sounds of frantic activity. In the middle of the gym, a large plastic cowboy wailed on a punching bag, muttering things to himself.

'See this,' the cowboy said to himself, the phrase a little louder than his previous mutterings. 'Just like the one you had when you were young. You wanted to become an honest sportsman. What happened?'

'This is Captain Nostalgia,' said Rango, 'Maturity may be our aim, but reminding people of their childhood can be a potent weapon. He can glimpse into your fondest memories, and when he reminds you of them,' Rango continued, pointing at his good eye, 'Niagra Falls.'

Before Rango and Twilight could leave the gym, a being in a metal suit burst through the floor. 'Twilight Spider?' His metallic voice echoed throughout the gym.

'Yes?'

'What's long, loved by women, and is found in men's trousers?'

'What?'

'A 20 dollar bill!' Twilight sighed, and sighed again when the robot removed his mask, revealing himself to be an anthropomorphic wallaby.

'Twilight, meet Innuendo Man. With a robot suit and the ability to make kids wonder what their dad's laughing at, he's an asset to the team.'

'Pleased to meet you,' said Innuendo Man in an Australian accent. Twilight shook his hand. Then Innuendo Man turned to Rango with a slight smirk and said, 'Heh. Asset.'

Rango and Twilight then left the gym, being followed by Innuendo Man and Captain Nostalgia. Wearing the skin of a punching bag around his body, Super Grover followed them too. The four led Super Grover to a giant living room, complete with widescreen TV playing _Emmerdale_. On a sofa sat an anthropomorphic bluejay in armour.

'And here's Mor,' said Rango, 'the Asgardian god of slackers.'

'Sup.'

'He doesn't do much, but he's sure relatable to the 18-30 market. Also, we're having a spot of bother with his brother.' Rango then grabbed the remote, and made the TV feature a picture of a raccoon in golden armour. 'Rigki, the god of mischief, has stolen the Keyboard of Power and plans to use it to spread chaos.'

'Why do villains always want to do that?' Twilight sighed.

'We'll need all the help we can get to take him down,' Rango said, twirling his hand, 'and that's why we're asking you to join us, Twilight.'

'Look, I'd love to help you, really. But I'm not sure I agree with what you stand for.' Twilight shuddered. 'I know from experience it's a mistake trying to appeal to adults. Oh sure, some innuendo here, a _Star Trek_ reference there, all well and good. But the next thing you know grown men are lusting for you and treating you like a pagan god! Um, no offense, Mor.'

Mor only shrugged.

'Everything has porn, Miss Spider,' replied Rango.

'Yeah, but not the amount I get! So, thanks, but no thanks! Besides, you lot are weird.'

'If she does not want to join,' said Super Grover, taking off his disguise, 'I will!'

The AAA burst into laughter.

'But Super Grover has adult appeal too.' From his invisible pocket, Grover pulled out the latest issue of his comic book. 'This issue references _True Blood_ and _CSI_!'

Rango plucked the comic from Grover's hand, and began to read it, with Mor, Captain Nostalgia and Innuendo Man looking over his shoulder. All they had to read was two pages before they began laughing again. Grover had forgotten that issue involved J. Lefty Wolfingham the Letter Salesman scamming Grover out of his life savings.

'A shame you couldn't join us, Twilight,' said Rango, 'and a shame you're Super Grover, Super Grover.' Rango pushed another button on the remote, and a catapult appeared below Grover and Twilight, and sent them flying out of the AAA building.

'They _are_ weirdoes,' muttered Twilight, right before the two landed on a blue bull wearing a weird mask, rendering said bull unconscious.

'What the?' said Super Grover, right before being approached by a certain girl in a bat costume and her monkey sidekick. The Dark Explorer and Boots the Blunder Chimp.

'Hey,' said Boots, 'You guys just knocked out Bene!'

'Boots!' The Dark Explorer's eyes narrowed. 'It's Super Grover! And what do we do when Super Grover shows up?' A pause. 'Right! We pummel him!'

'Oh no!' Super Grover buried his face in his hand. 'As if the Adult Appeal Avengers were not bad enough...'

'Holy Periphery Demographic!' cried Boots the Blunder Chimp, 'These two have met the AAA!'

'I don't trust the AAA!' cried the Dark Explorer, 'Do you know why I don't trust the AAA?'

'Um, do you always have to stare into space whenever you ask a question?' Twilight asked the Dark Explorer. 'It's creeping me out.'

'Right!' The Dark Explorer pointed to the heavens. 'Because they're new superheroes!'

'So,' said Super Grover, rubbing his chin, 'are you suggesting that we team up?'

'Yeah, Dark Explorer!' Boots leapt up and down in excitement. 'I keep telling you we could use some new friends!'

'That's right!' said the Twilight Spider. 'We can take Rigki down with the power of friendship!'

'Well, okay,' said the Dark Explorer, 'but only to prove I can organise a team better than Rango Fury.'

'Then let us make haste!' Super Grover announced, waving his finger about. 'Super Grover will soar through the skies, using his x-ray vision to find the villainous fiend!' So off Super Grover soared, using his x-ray vision to find the villainous fiend. He saw a mugging, a robbery and someone being stabbed, but saw no sign of any raccoon gods.

That is, until he saw a giant lollipop rising from the Blotham City museum.

'Aha! Rigki must be there! Now to alert the Dark Explorer and...'

Just then, the Dark Explorer flew past Grover on her Explorer Plane, and Twilight leapt from building to building using her webbing, and soon, the trio – or foursome, if you count Boots – had arrived at the museum.

'Okay,' said Twilight, 'We need a plan.'

'Should Twilight be giving the orders?' Dark Explorer asked the air. After a minute of silence, she said, 'No, she shouldn't, because I'm the smartest!'

'But I came up with this intricate plan that involved all of our talents as we were coming here.'

'I don't care! I'm the World's Greatest Detective!'

'Then why didn't you "detect" Super Grover flying off by himself?'

'Oh, great.'

Tired of the ladies' bickering, Super Grover had decided to enter the museum himself. There, he saw patrons being attacked by slime monsters, giant baseball bats and savage flies. 'Never fear citizens!' cried Super Grover, 'I will...' Just then, a group of savage flies flew right towards Grover's face, beginning to chew on his skin.

'Ah, I see the mighty Super Grover has arrived to bow before me!' After getting the flies out of his eyes, Grover saw Rigki floating, a smug look on the latter's face.

'Surrender, foul criminal!'

'Stupid hero without the Keyboard of Power says _what_?'

After wiping his face with his hand a few times, Grover managed to get the flies away, right before diving towards Rigki. In a second, Rigki disappeared, and Grover crashed right into a pillar, before being devoured by a slime monster.

'Oh, this is not my day,' said Super Grover, right before hearing a wall break open. Escaping from the slime monster via the mouth, Grover saw the AAA enter the museum.

'You're a stupid monkey, Rigki!' cried Innuendo Man, 'And you need to be spanked!' Using the jetpacks in his robot suit, Innuendo Man flew up to face Rigki, only for Rigki to play a few notes on the keyboard of power. An anvil then fell from the sky and crushed Innuendo Man.

'Hey!' Rigki turned around to see Captain Nostalgia looking up at him. 'Don't you remember when you were a kid, you wanted to be the noblest God ever? You wanted to be as brave and loveable as your favourite teddy?'

'Shut up!' cried Rigki, starting to tear up.

'But Daddy loved Mor better than you!'

Speaking of Mor, the bluejay god had just thrown his hammer at Rigki's head, sending the raccoon tumbling to the ground, clutching the keyboard. 'Ow!' squealed Rigki.

'Alright, dude!' said Mor, pumping his fist. 'Now let's take him back...'

Another crash through the window. The Twilight Spider and the Dark Explorer.

'Oh great,' sighed the Dark Explorer, 'You lot are here.'

'Get lost,' said Mor, 'Crime fighting is too dangerous for little girls!'

Twilight Spider sighed. 'I'm 20.'

'Then why are your comics so immature?' replied Mor, 'Ooh, let's learn about friendship!'

Twilight Spider dove right in front of Mor. 'And your comics are meant for brain-damaged college students!'

'Hey, guys, come on.' Innuendo Man held up his hands. 'We've got a villain to fight, remember?'

'You be quiet!' snarled the Dark Explorer, throwing an Explorerang into Innuendo Man's suit, 'Superheroing should be a serious business and you turn it into a joke!'

'Hey!' Innuendo Man took the Explorerang out of his suit. 'It took me all night to think up that monkey quip!'

'Well,' said the Twilight Spider, 'If you had the sort of fanbase I do, you wouldn't even want to think about sex!'

As the heroes argued, Grover decided to divert his attention to Rigki, the latter beginning to regain himself. 'Ha! Good thing for me heroes like bickering with each other!'

'Not me!' cried Grover as he zoomed to face Rigki. 'I will defeat you!' The last thing he said before an anvil flew up in his face.

'Don't you remember how nice you were to your parents before they died?' Captain Nostalgia yelled at the Dark Explorer.

'I think about my parents every day, thank you!'

'Please stop arguing!' said Super Grover as he flew up to the warring teams. 'We have to capture Rigki!'

Sure enough, Rigki had used the keyboard to create a Ferrari which he used to drive from the museum in.

'I have Boots stationed outside,' said the Dark Explorer, 'He should...'

Just then, Boots flew into the museum, all tied up and with various injuries.

'Well,' said Mor, 'I guess they don't call him the "Blunder Chimp" for nothing.'

'Um...' Innuendo Man rubbed his chin. 'He's a...boob? Darn it, I wish I hadn't already done a monkey joke.'

'Good,' said Twilight Spider, 'I remember the last time my comic had jokes like that. Boy, the manchildren became even more entitled after that.'

'Oh will you just shut up for two minutes,' growled Mor, and everyone except Super Grover began to argue again.

'Fellow heroes,' said Super Grover, 'will you please stop arguing?' That didn't help. 'Okay, how about this?' Grover said, grabbing a ukulele before singing:

'_Arguing is bad,  
You should stop soon,  
If you want to beat,  
The naughty raccoon !'_

Then the museum exploded.

'Well, you're getting to be a regular here, aren't you?' Grover opened his eyes to find himself, the Dark Explorer, Twilight Spider and the AAA all in Hell, being presided over by a large figure in a black robe and mask.

'Oh,' said Innuendo Man, 'It's you.' Indeed, the robed figure was none other than Peaches, a demon Rocko had faced on previous adventures.

'Yes,' said Peaches, 'Well, you all died...again, and now you're in Heck...again.'

'Okay,' said Super Grover, 'We all know how this works. We'll all just wait to be resurrected.'

'Oh, I wouldn't get my hopes up,' said Peaches in a darker voice, 'Rigki just used his magic keyboard to destroy all modes of resurrection, and your mortal bodies are all torn into pieces anyway! Ha ha!'

Twlight Spider stepped forward. 'Anyone else find it weird that we're in the Christian Hell with a Norse God?'

'Well...' said Mor, scratching the back of his neck.

'You're not really a god, are you?'

Mor sighed. 'Yeah. I'm actually an alien.'

'You're a fraud? I knew it!' cried the Dark Explorer. Thus began another argument.

'Oh for the love of,' Peaches groaned. 'Come with me.'

The demon then took the heroes to a large room, which resembled the bottom of a well. It was a hundred feet high, with a bright hole at the top. 'Look, climb to the top and you may leave.'

Super Grover attempted to fly upwards, but found he couldn't. 'What is this?'

'This is Heck! Super powers don't work here!' Peaches raised his fists and cackled maniacally. 'Your powers come from the sun and there is no sun in Heck!'

'But there is loads of flames and fire in Heck! That is quite like the sun!'

'No dice,' growled Peaches, looking at the Adult Appeal Avengers, 'and robot suits and magic hammers and nostalgia tricks don't work here either.'

'Oh man,' said the AAA in unison.

Just then... 'Utility belt! Utility belt!'

'What?'

'Apparently utility belts still work in Heck,' said the Dark Explorer as she threw an Explorer-rope up to the hole and climbed her way up to the top. Super Grover ran to the rope, but when he touched it, he was electrocuted.

'Why was Super Grover electrocuted?' the Dark Explorer asked the reader, 'Right, because the rope only works for me! So all these other heroes can go rot in Heck!' With that, the Dark Explorer climbed out of Heck and pulled the rope up.

'Well, that happened,' said Peaches, before turning to the other heroes, 'So, who wants to watch TV?'

Later...

'So the Dark Explorer defeated Rigki all by herself.' Peaches took another load of popcorn and shoved it into his gob. 'Shame you lot couldn't do it.'

'There's a lesson to be learned here,' said the Twilight Spider, 'You don't need innuendo, slacker behaviour or nostalgia to be a good hero. There's nothing wrong with being kid-friendly.'

'But she defeated Rigki by punching him unconscious!' Mor stood up from the sofa. 'She didn't sing songs or teach him a moral. Heck, that's what I would have done!'

'Yeah,' said Innuendo Man, 'Mor has a point. We didn't get sent here through friendship.'

'B-b-but!' Super Grover sprung up. 'I am a cute monster...'

'Right,' said Captain Nostalgia, narrowing his eyes, 'and you're the pariah of the hero community.'

'Yeah,' said Innuendo Man, twiddling his thumbs, 'Plus, you've used violence before, haven't you?'

'If you people are to decry Super Grover like this, then I will go to the pit of screaming souls.'

Peaches pointed the way. 'You do that.'


End file.
